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[Verse 1]
Well, I rolled into town just mindin’ my biz,
With a trailer full of trouble and a grin like a wiz.
Two wild-ass horses, a buffalo too,
I shoulda known damn well this’d turn into a zoo.
Parked outside the bar, tied ‘em up real tight,
Walked in like a legend, feelin’ just right.
Bartender said, “Son, what’s your plan?”
I said, “Give me a beer, then you’ll understand.”
[Chorus]
You bring two horses and a buffalo, shit’s gonna fly,
Fences get busted and people ask why.
The sheriff starts cussin’, the preacher gets pissed,
And next thing you know, we’re all on a list.
If you want peace, boy, don’t even try,
‘Cause you bring two horses and a buffalo, and hell says hi.
[Verse 2]
Well, five shots in and the jukebox was blarin’,
The bouncer looked nervous, the old folks were starin’.
Then BAM! Through the door comes my buffalo Clyde,
Knocked over a table, took a whiskey ride.
The horses weren’t havin’ it, they kicked up their feet,
Some poor old cowboy spilled beer on his seat.
The saloon girl screamed, “What the hell’s goin’ on?!”
I said, “Ain’t my fault Clyde thinks he belongs!”
[Chorus]
You bring two horses and a buffalo, it won’t end well,
Last time I did it, I woke up in jail.
Somebody’s boots always get full of manure,
And somebody’s truck gets impaled by a horn for sure.
If you like normal, don’t even try,
‘Cause you bring two horses and a buffalo, and shit says hi.
[Verse 3]
Now, the sheriff came runnin’ with his badge and his gun,
He said, “Damn it, boy, what have you done?!”
I said, “A little mischief, a whole lotta beer,
And a buffalo who don’t know how to steer!”
The preacher walked in, lookin’ sick as hell,
Said, “Jesus can’t even save y’all from yourselves!”
I tipped my hat, said, “I guess that’s fair,
But Clyde still wants another drink, so get him a chair!”
[Chorus]
You bring two horses and a buffalo, the town’s goin’ down,
Somebody’s wife’s ridin’ Clyde through the middle of town!
There’s hoofprints on cop cars, there’s shit in the street,
And I swear that old bouncer just pissed on his feet.
So if you want boring, don’t even try,
‘Cause you bring two horses and a buffalo… well, good luck, guy.
[Verse 4]
Well, the dust settled down, the bar was a wreck,
The preacher was drinkin’, the sheriff lost his hat.
I climbed on my buffalo, said, “Boys, it’s been real,”
Then Clyde took a dump on a lady’s Oldsmobile.
So next time you think, “Hey, let’s keep it light,”
Remember my story and do what’s right…
Leave the horses at home and the buffalo too,
Or you’ll wake up naked in a goddamn canoe!
